The Traditional Marriage Among Nigerian Christians

Before the British colonized nigeria, we had our own way of getting married. Regardless of the little details, it usually involved both families coming together, exchanging gifts, a bride price, and handing the bride over, amid great festivities, dancing eating and drinking.

Then the British came. The introduced the civil marriage, while recognizing our traditional marriages. They called it marriage by native law and custom.  Here's the wrinkle: People started converting to Christianity, and also wanted to get married "in the church" with all the attendant pomp and pageantry.

The traditional marriage was treated differently by different cultures. The Yorubas started calling it the "engagement".  They would meet as families, exchange gifts,  and hand over the bride to the the groom's family.  Some families stop here, get the marriage license at the Registry, and move right along with their married life.   In some case, after the festivities, the bride would go back to her parents' house, usually to wait for the church wedding before becoming Mrs. So and So.  Depending on how far away from the actual wedding this takes place, they could still break up, unless they have been married in the civil fashion. In that case, they need a divorce.

It is different among the Igbos. The traditional marriage is iron clad. It is taken very seriously. It is almost as binding as the old Jewish tradition which required a divorce for you to break up with your betrothed.  They still get the civil marriage license and often do the church wedding.

Here is the issue. When are you married? It is not so much a problem among the Yorubas who, for the most part, now treat their traditional marriage as a family get together. Among the Igbos, which one takes precedence?

What used to happen among the brethren when I was in the university is that they did the traditional marriage, but stayed apart until the wedding. The marriage would be consummated after the church event.

This is what seems to be happening now. The people get married the traditional way. They consummate.  Some start living together. Then they fix a church wedding date. They send out invitations inviting people to a wedding.

Some churches are saying, "no". You are already married. You can come for a blessing, but not a wedding. Some folks don't like that.

Can you get married twice without having divorced? If the first one was the marriage, what is the second one? If you are going to have a church wedding, should you consummate?  What do you think? Talk to me.